My name is Aden Delfino Rodriguez, and I spend a lot of time awake at night thinking about things I probably shouldn’t. But here we go.
“Things That Keep Me Up at Night” is a recurring column where I’ll be writing through those thoughts; about the quieter parts of modern life we usually try to drown out. These pieces aren’t meant to offer solutions or easy takeaways. They’re meant to ask better questions.
As a student at Wittenberg, and like most people my age (I’m almost 21), I’m still figuring things out in real time. This column is less about answers and more about reflection. About noticing patterns, sitting with discomfort, and resisting the urge to scroll past things that matter. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
There is a four-letter word that keeps drawing us back as a society. It is a word that represents all things that we love to hate and hate to love. It shows up on our phones at the wee hours of the morning, in energy drinks between classes, in nicotine pouches, in late-night takeout, in drinking on a weekday, and in never-ending scrolling. It is a word that breaks us down and leaves even the strongest amongst us in a puddle of their own self-loathing. It’s the thing that we reach out for when we’re tired, overwhelmed, bored, or avoiding the drudgery of everyday life.
The word? Vice.
Initially, “vice” had a connotation with all things wicked and immoral, but today, it’s been turned into something more casual. Think of the words and phrases “habits,” “coping mechanisms,” and “guilty pleasures.”With this more modern connotation, I will be using “vice”in this way.
Today, we don’t confess our vices anymore, we subscribe to them; and while that may sound harmless, it raises a bigger, more existential question: what happens when we replace long-term meaning with instant relief?
Everything that matters takes longer than everything that distracts us, and with our current “on demand” society, we have access to endless forms of escapism at any moment. Things like social media, pornography, drugs/alcohol, food, and gambling are some of the most common modern vices. Each offers a way around dealing with discomfort promising relief without effort. But here’s the deal: over time they don’t fill empty space, they quietly shape who we become.
Existentialist philosopher Søren Kierkegaard wrote, “The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” Kierkegaard believed that personal despair doesn’t reveal itself through chaos or crisis, but through avoidance. Despair shows up in distraction, in postponement, in the quiet decision to become something that is not us.
Vice fills the silence that we are too afraid to sit with.
Do away with the scrolling, the substances, the distractions, and what remains is stillness; and for many of us, the stillness is unbearable. It forces us to confront ourselves and ask questions we’d rather not ask.
Everything that is meaningful requires some level of discomfort. Growth needs patience, purpose demands discipline, and connection requires vulnerability, but vice offers a “better” alternative. Vice offers a shortcut around all the above. But shortcuts don’t pave the way forward. They loop. They stagnate. And over time, this stagnation teaches us something horrific; that escape is easier than self-engagement and relief is more valuable than meaning.
We don’t wake up wanting to be consumed by our habits. We wake up wanting relief, wanting comfort, and wanting rest. But the only language we have learned to engage these feelings with is the language of vice.
Understanding this does not absolve us of responsibility. Self-awareness changes the rules. Once we recognize our patterns, we are faced with a set of choices. Continue numbing ourselves or begin listening.
Maybe vice isn’t something to defeat. Maybe it’s something to understand. Maybe it exists to point us toward the parts of ourselves that need to be addressed, fixed, and understood. Maybe the hardest part isn’t letting go of distractions. Perhaps it’s learning to sit with what remains when the distractions are gone.
Now, take a week or two off from the vices and ask yourself: who am I becoming? What am I avoiding? What am I afraid to face? As for me, I’ll tag along too. Might give up Instagram for a week.
Are there things keeping you up at night? Do you have any thoughts on what you’ve just read? Contact me at: rodrigueza842@wittenberg.edu. It’s late. I should probably go to sleep.
